One of the best things about getting older is feeling more confident in the bedroom. By now, you’ve figured out how things work — and what works for you. But when it comes to changing things up in bed, you might feel a little lost about where to start; is whipped cream even a thing any more?
Here, we’ll walk through a few different ways you can break free from the old thinking around lovemaking, and give your sex life a makeover. It’s time to get excited again about the different possibilities — sex, after all, should never be boring. At any age.
Let’s talk about butts
If you’re a straight couple, there’s a chance you’ve never explored the glorious wonder that is ‘butt play’. As you may already know, men have their own ‘G spot’ — the prostate. The walnut-sized gland can be aroused by applying a small amount of pressure to the spot between the balls and anus, or if your partner is willing, by inserting a finger and locating that sexy little sucker inside.
Butt play can be a little intimidating if it hasn’t been discussed previously. You might feel shy about suggesting it, or your partner might be turned off by the concept. As always the best place to start is with a conversation — try something like, “I was thinking we could try something new during sex, like butt play, which I read could really work for us. How do you feel about trying something like that?” Using lube can make things easier, and if they’re still uncomfortable with it, a condom on the finger can ease the concern.
If this activity is working for you and your partner, you may want to also explore anal sex. While caution is recommended, myths around it being painful, messy, or something only a man can enjoy aren’t true for everyone. Sure, it won’t be for everyone, but if you are both consenting, take it slow and are generous with the lube — it can be a lot of fun, and feel like a whole new side of sex to discover. And who doesn’t want to discover something new in the bedroom?
Never too old for toys
Sex toys have come a long way, my friend — literal space years from the giant pink vibrating things of yesteryear. Modern sex toys are slimline, ergonomically designed, and actually kind of classy. Introducing a toy into your routine can be a great way to start having better sex.
They also come in different shapes and sizes for different purposes. Some are shaped like a small egg, that can be pressed against a woman’s clitoris for stimulating, or even rubbed up and down the penis for a next-level handjob. The more traditional phallic-shaped sex toys can be inserted inside a vagina or the anus. (There we go again with the butt talk.)
Feeling a little spooked at the idea of heading into a sex shop? Fear not: you can browse the internet in the privacy of your own home when shopping for sex toys, with the delivery coming right to your door, usually in a discreet box. Make it a little fun by sitting down with your partner, laptop, and a glass of wine - the shopping alone might get you feeling frisky.
Porn — the right kind, though
Porn has moved forward in leaps and bounds. Ethical porn that is created by consenting adults and inspired by real life feels nothing like the plastic fantastic porn of days gone by. It’s fun, it’s naughty, and the best part is that it feels like something you could try out yourself. Because let’s face it, slapping a woman’s butt whilst ejaculating into the air was never something for the average man.
Live streaming of online porn sites means that you can have constant, unfettered access to new and exciting erotic content whenever you want. If you’ve been worried about watching for privacy reasons, relax — as long as you are not seeking out anything illegal, your porn viewing is for your knowledge only. If in doubt, using ‘private browser’ is always an option.
Porn is something you can watch alone (take notes!) or with a partner - it’s a great way to explore sexual fantasies together, and be inspired with new positions. Porn tends to have a reputation for being dirty, or taboo — but in reality, watching the right kind of porn can be a really simple way to get in the mood and tap into new and exciting sexual experiences.
MORE: Should you watch porn together? Find out here.
Ejaculation can be hard to control at any age. As you reach 50 and over, exploring control techniques are going to be your secret weapon to better sex.
Rather than relying on drugs or sprays to simply numb the experience, opt for a mindful solution that works on a permanent basis. It’s all about retraining your body to respond at a pace you’re comfortable with. You want to feel like you’re the boss of your dick - not the other way around.
MORE: Learn to take back control of your 🍆 here.
Using a tool such as Prolong will help train your mind and body to resist or extend climaxing. The size and shape of a walnut, the Prolong device is held against the glans that stimulates ejaculation during masturbation, and helps slow it down. Practice this in a stop/start action for six weeks, and you’ll find you have greatly increased control over your orgasm. And having that kind of confidence is just what you need to take charge of your sex life.
Getting older is a pretty epic experience. By now, you’ve learnt enough about the world to feel truly comfortable in your own skin — and sex should be a part of that. If you feel like you’re stuck in a rut, or are struggling to connect with your sexuality, it’s time to take action. And trust us when we say this is one mission you’re really going to enjoy.